The Freedom to Choose
Well it had happened again. The little blue cross had appeared. This cross signaled not salvation but possible damnation. The potential to lose control of one’s destiny.
The woman Jeff has been seeing is pregnant. Amy texted a picture of a positive pregnancy test with no context. None was needed. He stared at the picture, contemplating his fate. He barely knew this girl. Well not quite, they had been seeing each other casually for a few months now.
They had been careful by some people’s definition. Condoms the first few times but then simply relying on birth control and coitus interruptus. Truth be told he liked her a lot. But even if she had been the most perfect woman on earth the decision was already made in his mind. They simply were not at a place to have a child even if they had potential as a couple.
He considered the possible outcomes and how to prepare for them. She didn’t seem like the type of girl to bear the child of a man she hardly knew. She was beautiful, brilliant, and accomplished. She had a masters degree in bioengineering and worked at a large pharma company.
They had briefly discussed their religious and political views. But when beliefs collide with reality you never know what might happen. He knew he was legally powerless when it came to ending a pregnancy. But he had other means at his disposal.
Jeff had a hard rule against discussing serious things over text. There were too many opportunities for misunderstanding. He replied simply: “I’m coming over.”
Jeff knocks on Amy’s door.
Amy: “Hey”
Jeff: “Hey, how are you feeling?”
Amy: “I don’t know how I’m feeling. I’m calmer than I would have thought. I mean I know what I have to do. It’s just the doing it that may be difficult”
Jeff: “What do you mean exactly?”
Amy: “Well I’m in no place to raise a child and while I think I like you I really don’t know you.”
The relief washed over Jeff. There would be no need to argue, beg, or manipulate. He wasn’t going to have to threaten to change his identity or to leave the country. Not that he truly would. He would do what was right no matter the final decision.
Jeff: “So you just think you like me huh?”
They smile at each other.
Jeff: “You’re right, we are in no place to take this on right now. I’ll help in any way I can”
Amy: “I’m devastated about this but I’m also sad that this means our time is over”
Jeff: “You don’t know that. I think I like you too. Neither of us know the future. Let’s take care of this and take it from there. It’s all we can do right now.”
Amy: “Always the practical one.”
Jeff had knocked up a girl once before, 10 years ago when he was still in school. A college where the football scores are more important than graduation rates. This was before Roe v. Wade was overturned so you still had legal access to abortion in every state but with quite a few hellish hoops to jump through in some of them.
You had to listen to a morally conflicted doctor recite a script she disagreed with on why the dangers of abortion were far greater than those of pregnancy. The doctor was also legally required to perform an ultrasound and make you listen to the heartbeat. Then you had to suppress your guilt for a minimum of 48 hours while you waited for the next appointment to get either the pills or the procedure. All the result of legislation enacted by those who wanted to do everything in their power to get you to change your mind.
Before any of this even occurred, you potentially had to drive hundreds of miles to one of just two clinics in the state legally permitted to perform abortions. Then you had to wade through a crowd of protestors calling you a whore and waving signs saying “Abortion is Murder.” But at least there was some armed security to ensure things didn’t get too out of hand.
These memories made him recoil. But he knew what must be done.
The world had changed in the intervening decade. Roe v. Wade was overturned by a conservative supreme court and immediately 24 states enacted abortion bans. 16 of them, mostly in the southeast, have no exemptions for rape or incest. The south once again lives up to its reputation of “keeping it in the family.”
Amy: “I’m so nervous with Roe v. Wade being overturned last year”
Jeff: “Don’t worry. We’re lucky enough we can afford to go out of state. Try to think of it as a vacation”.
Amy smiles gloomily.
Being in the deep south they were surrounded by a double ring of states which had banned abortion. An impressive defensive fortification assembled to protect what conservatives believed were otherwise defenseless lives that began at conception. But Jeff and Amy had access to airpower and the enemy had no anti-air defenses. They proceeded to do some research.
Jeff: “I like how all the articles are titled ‘The Best States for Women’s Reproductive Healthcare.’”
Amy: “Well they can’t exactly title them ‘The best states to get a quick abortion, with no questions asked.’”
Jeff: “California, New York, and Maine seem like the best options.”
Amy: “I really don’t want this to be my first thought when visiting California or New York, also I’ve never been to Maine.”
Jeff trying to sound cheerful: “Maine is beautiful this time of year.”
Jeff still felt a lot of guilt about what happened 10 years ago. He was not emotionally supportive of his girlfriend at the time. He paid for the procedure but was distant and uncaring. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes. He offered to go with Amy and she gladly accepted.
They booked flights, a 2-night stay at a bed and breakfast, and an appointment at a clinic in Augusta. There were many spots available and the cost was transparently shown on the website: $500. Jeff recalled the $400 price tag from 10 years before. At least abortion hadn’t kept up with inflation.
Jeff: “So get this, the CDC says there were 620,000 US abortions in 2019. 24 states have banned abortion so we can roughly assume that 310k women now need to fly to other states for abortions. If you assume an average ticket price of $500 that’s a $310 million increase in annual revenue for the airlines. I wonder if Delta’s lobbyists were pushing for this.”
Amy: “Stop being such a conspiracy theorist, I just want to get this over with.”
Having white collar corporate jobs they were both able to take off work at short notice. Amy packed her bags and Jeff went home to do the same. They shared an awkward goodbye.
Jeff picked up Amy the next morning and they headed to the airport. As the plane took off they felt a bit like refugees fleeing a tyrannical theocracy. But going through airport security isn’t quite the same as crossing the DMZ or Checkpoint Charlie under a hail of bullets.
They have a safe flight, pick up their rental car, and arrive at their bed and breakfast. The hosts are the stereotypically kind elderly couple who often run these establishments. Doing their best to meet all of your needs while trying not to be too overbearing about it.
They exchange pleasantries and inform their hosts that they are here for a much-needed break from their stressful corporate jobs. They explore the town for a bit and go on a short hike before coming back and calling it an early night. The appointment is early the next morning.
Jeff had told Amy he had gone through this experience before but spared her the details as he didn’t want to upset her more than she already was. When they arrived the next morning, there were no protestors out front which was a welcome sign.
After checking in they wait maybe seven minutes to be called back. The nurse asks some basic medical questions and then tells them to wait for the doctor. This begins the awkward interval when you are alone in the examination room with exactly no idea how long you are going to be waiting. Thankfully they hear a respectful double knock a mere 30 seconds later.
The doctor asks Amy if she wants Jeff to be here while casting a slightly contemptuous look his way. Amy gives an emphatic yes and the doctor changes her demeanor towards him. The doctor explains the process and recommends the medication as Amy is maybe 6 weeks along. Amy takes the first two pills while still in the clinic and the doctor provides the second round to be taken 24 hours later. She warns of cramping and bleeding and recommends taking her preferred OTC pain reliever. The doctor also states that the official recommendation is no sexual activity for two weeks while giving a stern look towards Jeff. He tries to look as innocent as possible. The whole process takes less than an hour. Since it’s still very early they go grab breakfast.
Jeff: “I have to say that was the polar opposite of my previous experience, no protestors, no forced ultrasound, no second appointment. Maybe I should move here”
Amy: “Wow, I didn’t know people had to go through that, seems inhuman”
Jeff: “I guess it’s just the result of people just doing what they think is right. These pills could kick in at any time, do you want to go back to the bed and breakfast?”
Amy: “Let’s do something, I need a distraction right now”
They go to a couple of historic sites and a museum followed up by lobster rolls for lunch.
Amy begins to feel the pills starting to work. They wrap up their tour of Augusta and head back to the bed and breakfast for the worst of it. Jeff brings her water, heating pads, and her favorite chocolate ice cream but otherwise sits around feeling useless.
Amy: “You know I could get used to you waiting on me like this” she says trying to fake a smile. He admires her casualness but knows her suffering is the result of his incompetence.
The next day Amy is feeling a little better and wants to hike an easy trail in the area. Jeff is concerned but knows he is but a passenger on this journey and doesn’t protest. They stop at the store to buy picnic essentials before heading onto the park. While there they walk past an endcap filled with bear spray and Jeff throws a can into the cart. Amy laughs and says, sarcastically this time, “Always the practical one.”
They take in the beautiful surroundings and find a perfect spot for the picnic. The scene is a perfectly placid lake surrounded by untouched evergreen forest. The only sounds they hear are birds chirping cheerfully.
Amy: “You know we’ve never spent more than 12 conscious hours together, yet here we are making the best of this.”
Jeff sarcastically: “Who says an abortion can’t be the start of a great love story?”
Amy: “You know the doctor did say I can’t have sex for two weeks. Do you think you can go that long?”
Jeff: “Well technically the doctor only said the “official recommendation” is to not have sex for two weeks.”
They smile at each other.
Jeff: “But seriously take as much time as you need. You’ve been through a traumatic experience. Why do women assume all men are just sex-crazed maniacs?”
Amy: “Well it’s drilled into us by everything we read, watch, and hear from friends. Most of the men who approach me seem to only have one thing on their mind.”
Jeff: “So that’s called selection bias…”
Amy: “Yes I know Jeff, I took statistics too. The men who are more likely to approach women might only have sex on the mind. They may not be a representative sample. #notallmen right?”
Jeff laughing: “Yes exactly, women could always counter this by doing more of the approaching.”
Amy: “Hey now, one step towards equality at a time.”
They laugh and sit quietly for a few minutes taking in the beautiful scenery.
Jeff: “I’m just glad I worked up the courage to ask you out.”
Amy: “I am too, despite everything. Thank you for being here with me. You could have just given me some money and told me to be on my way.”
Jeff: “Well then how would I know I wouldn’t be getting a court summons to a child support hearing in 9 months”
Amy laughs.
Jeff: “Sure I could have just given you some money but I wanted to be here with you to support you. You deserve it. Also, I kind of like you”
Amy: “You sure you just don’t just think you do?”
Jeff: “I think I’ve made up my mind on this one”
They kiss and lay in the cool shade for a while.
Amy: “The cramps are coming back, let’s get out of here”
Jeff: “Say no more”
On the way back, Jeff looks across the car at Amy and has a feeling that this time won’t end up like the last one. The crisis is over but now the real struggle begins. He feels hopeful. The first time he has been hopeful in a long time. The flight out is tomorrow.
